Expert Interview with Lilith Foxx: The Radical Map of Desire – Neurodiversity, Kink, and Accessible Pleasure

Who is Lilith Foxx?

Lilithfoxx (she/her) is a BIPOC, queer, neurodivergent, kinky and polyamorous marketing professional turned Board-certified sexologist, AASECT Certified Sexuality Educator, professional speaker, coach, and inclusivity consultant. She is a graduate of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University’s Human Sexuality Intensive program, is certified by Johns Hopkins University in psychological first aid, and currently pursuing a Master’s degree in Public Health.

Her work focuses on the intersectionality of marginalized identities, alternative sexuality, and social justice. Informed by her personal and professional experiences, she provides BDSM and nonmonogamy cultural competency consulting for clinical, academic, and research settings, and facilitates workshops on sexuality justice and inclusion. Her expertise has been featured in several publications including Cosmopolitan, Glamour, HuffPost, Kinkly, GQ, Playboy, Men’s Health, and in LiveJasmin’s ‘Life in Red’ docu-series.

The Neurospicy Blueprint

We talk a lot about “letting go” but for many, the path to pleasure isn’t a straight line: it’s a complex, neurospicy map. At Lustgates, we aren’t interested in the sanitized, one-size-fits-all version of intimacy. We want the raw truth of how the body actually functions under pressure, in surrender, and across the spectrum of identity.

We sat down with Lilith Foxx to dive into the deep mechanics of sensory play, including:

Sensory Anchors: How to quiet a “noisy” brain using high-intensity tools.
The Pain-Pleasure Flip: Why sharp sensations can feel more relaxing than gentle touch.
Empowered Accessibility: Turning the physical “chores” of sex into expansive, empowering experiences.

Having established herself as a vital voice in the modern sexological landscape, Lilith brings a unique blend of clinical precision and lived experience to the table. We wanted to move past the surface-level advice and get into the specific, often unspoken mechanics of how neurodivergence and disability shape the erotic experience.

Deep Dive Into The Radical Map of Desire

Sensory Anchors for a “Noisy” Brain

Lustgates: If someone’s brain feels too noisy or too quiet to enjoy sex, how can a high intensity toy act like a sensory anchor?

Lilith Foxx: When a brain is noisy, especially for ADHD, autism, trauma, or anxiety, gentle touch can disappear into the static. A high intensity toy gives the nervous system something unmissable to lock onto. It creates a single, strong signal that cuts through the background chatter and says, “This is the sensation to follow.” When a brain feels too quiet or dissociated, that same intensity can wake the body back up. It provides enough input to bring someone out of their head and into their skin. I often describe it as giving the nervous system a handrail. Instead of floating away or spiraling, there is a clear point of focus that keeps someone anchored in the moment.

The Pain-Pleasure Flip: Exploring the “Sharp” Edge

Lustgates: Why does the brain sometimes turn a little bit of pain into a massive amount of pleasure, and how can a couple start playing with that line?

Lilith Foxx: For a lot of neurodivergent people, light or ambiguous touch can feel irritating or overwhelming because the signal is unclear. Sharper sensations like a bite, scratch, or slap are clean and decisive. The brain knows exactly what is happening. From a neurochemical standpoint, controlled pain can release endorphins and adrenaline, which lower pain perception and increase pleasure and arousal. When pain is chosen, negotiated, and contained, the brain often interprets it as exciting rather than threatening. For couples exploring this, the key is intentionality. Start with very small doses. One firm squeeze, one sharp sensation, followed by checking in with the body rather than the story in your head. Talk about what felt grounding versus what felt overwhelming. The goal is not to push limits but to find the sweet spot where intensity turns into pleasure.

Adaptive Pleasure: From Physical Chore to Empowerment

Lustgates: When someone has a disability or chronic pain, how can a pleasure accessory turn sex from a chore into something empowering?

Lilith Foxx: Chronic pain and disability can make sex feel effortful, unpredictable, or exhausting. A pleasure accessory can redistribute labor. It can take pressure off joints, reduce the need for repetitive motion, or allow someone to receive pleasure without pushing through pain. More importantly, it reframes sex as something that works with the body instead of against it. When a tool helps someone experience pleasure without flaring symptoms, it restores agency. Pleasure stops being something you perform and becomes something you access on your own terms. That shift alone can be deeply empowering.

Radical Focus: The Power of Sensory Obsession

Lustgates: How can leaning into sensory obsessions or fetishes create a more intense experience than “normal” sex?

Lilith Foxx: Many neurodivergent people have nervous systems that thrive on repetition, predictability, or very specific sensory input. Leaning into a fetish or repetitive sensation feeds the brain exactly what it wants. When someone focuses on a texture, rhythm, sound, or dynamic they are already wired to crave, the brain does not have to work as hard. There is less distraction and more immersion. That depth of focus often leads to more intense arousal, stronger orgasms, and a sense of being fully present in the experience.

The Blueprint: The Ultimate “All-Rounder” for Sensory Play

Lustgates: What is the ultimate all rounder toy for neurodivergent friendly sensory play and light kink?

Lilith Foxx: If I had to pick one category, it would be a firm, body safe wand style toy. The shape allows for broad stimulation or very targeted intensity. The power range supports both grounding vibration and overwhelming sensation. It can be used for pleasure, sensory regulation, and even incorporated into light power play without requiring advanced technique. What makes it an all rounder is flexibility. It adapts to different bodies, energy levels, pain considerations, and sensory needs. For many of my clients, it becomes less about sex and more about reclaiming control over sensation and pleasure.

Connect with Lilith Foxx

Lilith Foxx is more than a researcher: she is a guide for anyone looking to bridge the gap between their physical body and their deepest desires. While her expertise in neurodiversity is groundbreaking, her approach is designed for every body.

Whether working with individuals or couples, Lilith helps you bypass the noise and unlock a more intentional, empowered state of being.